Fear of losing someone
by hinamori10
Summary: Mikan goes to Gakuen Alice to say sorry to her friend Hotaru. Instead of just staying for a few days, she finds herself enrolled in the school. She meets the infamous Natsume who had the same past and fear as hers. Will both find a way to conquer it?
1. Prologue: Death

**Hina: After reading many Gakuen fanfics. It inspired me to make my own. Not knowing what to write at first. I hesitated. At around 2 in the morning something popped in my head and I started writing this story. **

**I hope that you will enjoy the story.**

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I was one of those people who don't have a care of things around her. All that I've ever thought about was my family. How happy they seemed whenever they were around me. I would always look up to their faces and see how happy to have me and how happy I was with my life. It had never occurred to me that they would die so soon.

On January 1st my parents went out to buy me my birthday gift. Of course like any other kid back then; I was filled with excitement. I couldn't wait for them to come home with my present in their hands. While waiting for my parents to come home, I had fallen asleep on the couch while watching a kids program on TV. Before I had noticed anything my best friend Hotaru woke me up from my sleep. I looked at the clock and was shocked that it was already nine.

"Hotaru where's my mom and dad?" I asked her with worried eyes.

She looked at me; eyes filled with sadness and concern. "Mikan.. I'm sorry but your mom and dad died in a car accident."

I couldn't believe what I heard. Never in my dreams had I dreamt about this. Tears started to form in my eyes and before I knew it was bawling my eyes out while I hugged my best friend. I could feel her hug tighten around me. She whispered sweet words through my hears. Saying that everything will be ok. That nothing was going to happen to me. I tried to top myself from crying but failed miserably.

From that point on; my life began to change. I hardly smiled and have fun anymore. Hardly spend time hangout with my friends, then after a while I started to lose them. The only person who stood beside me and still comforts was my best friend; Hotaru.

It was hard accepting the truth. But each day that I lived through my life; I learned that I could still appreciate things even though my parents weren't there to support me or have fun with me. But one thing that will never change about me; I wasn't going let anyone get close to me. I don't want to experience anything like that again. I will keep myself isolated from others.

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**Hina: I hope you got hooked up with my prologue.**

**Please Review if you want the story to continue.**


	2. Chapter 1: Departure

**_Author: Hope you enjoy this second chapter._**

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Ever since I turned seven, I avoided people; never got to close to them. Afraid that if I get too close, that I will lose them in some kind of accident. Although this doesn't mean that I don't talk to them. If possible, I wouldn't talk to them at all but I made a promise to Hotaru; a promise that I would keep. Promised that I would smile and talk to those people around me. She didn't want me to feel lonely. So I respected it and kept it a promise even if it hurts.

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I groaned as I tried to find my alarm clock on the side table. When my hands found them, I pressed the snooz button to get 5 more minutes of sleep; although that strategy doesn't work at all. Hotaru would burst through my door and wake me up with a bucket filled with cold water.

I lay there in my bed waiting for her. After 2 minutes, she never came. I decided to sit up and get dressed before she really does burst through my door. I got dressed for school. I wore a shirt that had sakura design on it and wore tight jeans to match my outfit. I've never worn a uniform in my entire life since I went to a public school. Next thing that I had to fix was my hair. That was easy to do though. I putted my hair in a high ponytail using my grandpa's gift. Then I clipped my favorite pin in my hair; the pin was carved to make one skaura petal. After I had fixed my hair, I headed downstairs to get food down in my stomach since I was hungry. When I got downstairs Hotaru wasn't there at all. I looked around my house just to find my grandpa sweeping the front lawn.

"Grandpa, where's Hotaru?" I asked him in a polite way.

Grandpa jumped at first since he didn't expect me to get up this early without Hotaru's help but soon replied, "Hotaru will be absent today Mikan."

"Why?" I asked wondering what happened to her.

"I don't know dear. Her parents didn't say why. Mikan don't worry about her. She got her parents there at home. You just go eat your breakfast and get to school before you become late."

I looked at the clock and saw that I would be late for school if I didn't hurry up. So I went to the dining room and ate breakfast then ran to the living room to get my stuff for school. As I ran towards school, I kept think of Hotaru. I was worried that something might have happened to her. I decided I would just visit her after school to see what's going on around her. But right now I have to hurry up before I get yelled at for coming in late.

"SAFE!!!!!" I screamed as I entered my classroom.

"Mikan, did you wake up late again?" Ayumi asked staring at me.

"In fact I woke up early."

"Them why were you almost late again?" she stared with disbelief.

"Oh something came up and I totally forgot about the time."

"Like I would believe that," she stated as she started to turn around.

"Now everyone take a sit. Homeroom started about five minutes ago," Kachuri sensei said as he entered the room.

As I walk up to my seat, my mind kept going back to Hotaru. I'm still worried why she didn't come to school today. She _never_ misses school; even when we were a kid. Dammit, why can't I get my mind of this topic? I think I'm overreacting about this. There's nothing wrong with Hotaru. She's just sick at home.

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"Finally!!" I screamed as I hurried to pack my stuff back into my bag as the final bell rang.

"You're in a hurry," Ayumi said as she turned around her seat to look at me packing my stuff like a tornado.

"I'm in a hurry because I got to go check up on Hotaru."

"Kind to think about it, she didn't come to school today," she said as she stared at Hotaru's desk beside me. "So what do you think happen to her?"

"I think she's just sick."

"Sick? Hardly, she never missed one school day in her entire life."

"That is why I'm checking up on her," I said as I started to head out of the classroom. "I'll see you tomorrow Ayu."

I ran through the hallways, down the stairs, and into the streets heading to where Hotaru lives. As I arrived at her front gate, I heaved a sigh as I rang the doorbell. After two rings, her mom opened the gate for me.

"Hi Mrs. Imai," I said as she stepped out the gates.

"Looking forHotaru?" she cut me before I asked her about Hotaru. "She inside, why don't you come in. I bet Hotaru has something to say and explain to you."

"Thank you Mrs. Imai," I said as I stepped in the gates.

No matter how many times I've been over at Hotaru's house; I could never get use to it. The house was about two times bigger than my house. I headed into their living room where I found Hotaru packing her stuff in which seems to be a suit case.

"Hotaru, why are you packing your stuff?" I asked out of curiosity.

"I'm leaving, that's why," she simply stated.

"Why are you leaving?"

"I got accepted into this boarding school," she said as she continued her doings. "They said that they could give me proper teachings about technology. I took this opportunity. The school here doesn't provide any of that Mikan."

"So that means you're leaving me." I asked as tears started to form in my eyes.

"That's exactly it Mikan," she turned her face to face me now.

"Why didn't you tell me this," I screamed at her.

"Because I knew you would react this way Mikan."

"No, I think that's not the reason," I stared into her face. "I think you just lied to me about being my best friend; being one of the people in my family. Hotaru, you never care about me that's why you're leaving. You can't stand me being beside you. I know this because you always hit me with that Baka Gun of yours."

"Mikan, that's not it," she said as she stepped forward.

"Shut it Hotaru. I don't need any explaining," I said as I started to run out the house back to my home. The one place where I could be alone, for a moment.

As I reached my house, I ran to my room. There I cried my hearts out. As for the moment, I started to regret that I ran out of Hotaru's house before she could explain. But I knew that it was too late to go back there. I also wouldn't want to show my face around her after what just happen. I also knew that she would be gone the next day. So I just sat on my bed and cried myself to sleep and hoped to forget about what happened today.

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**_Author: Please review. I will updating either saturday or sunday so wait for the next chapter._**

**_Devil's Child 2090: Thank you for the review and I'm really glad you liked it._**

**_Thanks to:_**

**_Emmoria and Moonlightnin for putting this story on their alerts._**

**_Devil's Child 2090 and izzy-bellarocs for putting this story on their favorites._**


	3. Chapter 2: Regret

**_Hina: Sorry for the very late update. I was grounded so I couldn't type the chapter out at all. Anyways heres chapter 2, I hope you guys enjoy it._**

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I got out of my bed at six in the morning since I couldn't sleep at all. I've been thinking of what happened yesterday's event the whole night. To tell you the truth I regret everything that I've said that day. I should have wait for her to explain why she was leaving. I wish that I could repeat the past but that wasn't possible at all. But for the time being I need to focus on something big. I am having a recital for my class in Music. I haven't even begun writing the song that I was going to sing. I was too depressed to write anything. I guess I have to do a final minute song.

It was about 7am when I finished writing my song. I hope it was good enough to have my teacher compliment my work. So I started to get dressed for school. Today was going to be a long day.

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I walked in my Music class and sat in my usual seat. I'm too depressed to even say hello to people who considered me their friends.

"Hey Mikan," Nayumi greeted me as she passed my seat. "Is there something wrong Mikan?"

"It's nothing Nayumi. I just did something I shouldn't have really done," I replied to her question with a sad tone.

"Which is what?"

"It's nothing that really needs to be concerned," I said.

"Ok then," she said as she left me alone.

I think she respected me. She knew that I needed to be alone for a while and she knew that the topic that I regret about shouldn't be a trivial matter. So now I was left alone in my own little bubble as I waited my turn to go up in front of the class to present my song.

"Mikan you up," Luche sensei announced.

I walked up in front of the class and take my seat in front of the piano. I opened my folder to find the piece that I wrote this morning; still hoping that I would at least get a B on this song.

I began playing the first notes of my piece. Then my fingers now move as if they had a mind of its own. I always felt like this whenever I start singing a song that I put my heart and soul it. But I knew that this was a feeling of happiness that I was expressing but a feeling of regret.

Middle of nowhere  
Finally you can breathe  
Nobody knows your name  
It's easier

Shut your eyes tightly  
Clench your fists 'til they almost bleed  
Cautiously, lightly  
Gently expose what's underneath

And all you feel now  
Is the scarlet in your day  
Even it's real  
You can't stay...

So there you go  
You're gone for good  
There you go  
You're gone for good

Your mind is swollen  
From months of thought without release  
They've taken their toll on you  
This very moment  
Of timis and fragile honesty  
Is precious and rare and fleeting

And all you feel now  
Is the scarlet in your day  
Even it's real  
You can't stay...

So there you go  
You're gone for good  
There you go  
You're gone for good

So there you go  
You're gone for good  
There you go  
You're gone for good

As I finished the last notes I was thinking about everything. From the day my parents had died till the day Hotaru left me. I opened my eyes to see why everyone was quite; just to find out that some of my fellow classmates were crying and some were shocked.

"That was a very nice piece Mikan," Luche sensei complimented. "That is why you're my favorite student. You can move anyone's heart through the way you play the piano and the way you sing. But that not an ordinary singing you do. You express your feelings through your music Mikan. That is what true music is about."

I was shocked when Luche sensei said those words. At first I thought that singing with feelings was ordinary. Now I know why some of the music that my classmates play doesn't move heart.

"I want you all to follow what Mikan does," Luche sensei then announced. "Also Mikan you getting an A for that piece. Tell me why you made such a piece like that."

"I regretted doing something," I answered. "I went to a conclusion before I could let someone explain the reason on why they were doing something."

"I see and now you want to change the past but you can't since that person left already. Am I right?"

"Yes," I bowed my head.

She was entirely corrected. I regret everything and wish to turn back the time of at least go to the person to let them explain. But I knew that it wasn't possible in anyway. Even if I had wished upon a star; the past will never change for me.

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**_Hina: Sorry again. I just feel like I let you guys down since I said I would update every saturday or sunday. Anyways please review. Your reviews keep me motivated to continue the story. Also the song that I used in this story is Scarlet by Brooke Fraser._**

**_IceGirl7: thank you for the review_**

**_JustinneXD: Thanks for the cookie and glad you liked the story so far._**

**_Thanks to:_**

**_BloodlyCherryBlossom, IceGirl7, JustinneXD, MewMewApple101 for putting the story in their fav._**

**_Justinne for putting it on her alerts._**

**_Thank you all. And sorry for the late update and short chapter._**


	4. Authors Note: Sorry

Ok I know that its been like what, a long months since I haven't updated. I just want you all to know that my computer broke down and well more like virus came in and attacked it and it was out for like two months and also well school started and well life has been hectic for me. I had clubs and sports to go to and didn't actually have time to re-type my lost file for the story, so I am deeply sorry. I promise that I will update around june ish since this week and next month I have a research project to do and that is a huge grade. So I would like you all to wait a bit more.


	5. Chapter 4: Gakuen Alice

**Hina: Ok well before I go to a month of out of commission. I Shall update this chapter for you :D. I am sorry about the fact that it is a short chapter, but this is all I could get in my time of 30mins spare time. I will try and make it longer chapter for the other upcoming chapters. So let's get on with the story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and story of Gakuen Alice**

**Chapter 4: Gakuen Alice**

The next day after I preformed my recital, I woke up early and quietly went to my grandpa's room to slip a note underneath his pillow. I wanted to see Hotaru again and apologize to her for what I've said and done the other day. But I knew there was no way I could go out to Tokyo and find this so called Gakuen Alice without money for food and ride on the way there. So before I left my house with my duffle bag, I went to the little safe that my grandpa has and got some money from it. Once I got the money I had to go on for a week, I got out of the house and caught the first train ride that was headed to Tokyo.

The ride took probably about an hour and a half, I wasn't sure. But once they announced that we reached Tokyo already, I jumped up and ran outside the station. I was utterly shocked to see the city since I have not been to one. Sure I may have seen it on TV but its different from the real thing.

I started to wonder around Tokyo city and asking many people where Gakuen Alice was, and I was in luck when one person showed me the direction towards the Academy. I got off the bus that I rode to get there and was shocked at how gigantic the school was. Just looking at the gates made my jaw drop. The place was surrounded by dozens of trees and most of them were Cherry Blossom trees. The gate was about ten feet tall and on top of it, it says, "Gakuen Alice." I knew I was at the right place but how in the world do I get in?

I saw a man around the corner of the gate and my guess was that the man is a guard. I walked up to him and said, "Umm excuse me but, how do I exactly get into the academy so I could visit my best friends Hotaru?"

"Sorry little kid but you must go home," he said rudely towards me. "This place is not for the likes of you."

"What!? I just came here to see my friend Hotaru so let me in," I yelled right into his ear which made him winch in pain.

"What is going on here?" a man who was wearing a blouse and well tight jeans. He was probably around the height of six foot one; he had blonde hair and eyes in a shade of purple.

"Ah Mr. Narumi, this kid here is asking me to let her enter the school but she would not listen to me," the guard informed this Narumi guy.

"I'll handle this," he said as he started to walk towards me. "Now little girl I suggest you go home. I am sure that your parents must be worried sick about you."

"I don't have parents, I live with my grandfather," I said with as-a-matter-of-fact tone. "Also, I ain't leaving until I see my friend Hotaru."

After I had pointed out this, his face seemed confused about something and I wasn't sure what it was. I decided to ignore it and waited for what he would say next.

"Alright fine I will let you see her," said as he motioned to the guard to open the gates.

"Are you sure about this Mr. Narumi?"

"Yes I am, so let her in," he said and the guard started to open the gates.

"Thank you so much!" I screamed and hugged him for helping me out on this. Although I thought I would have to put up a long and hard conversation and convincing to let me it. But he just let me go in after the confused face he just gave me. I feel like that is something fishy going here and I don't know about it.

**Hina: I hope you like it and please review and try giving me suggestions and ideas on what you would like to happen in the next chapter.**


	6. Author's Note

I am very to inform the people who were expecting a new chapter for this fanfic. I promised you guys that I was going to update a new chapter but I know that I blew that off and im sorry about that. I was planning on doing that and I started to write the chapter about 2 months ago but something came up that I was not able to finish. I also noticed when I wrote the last chapter and author's note that it was close to final exams so I was not really able to update and when summer came I became even more busy. I got a job so I was away from home and I also had a lot of birthday parties that I had to attend this summer. Also I have a life and my friends always wanted to hangout with me whenever I was away from work. So basically I was rarely at home and when I am at home I am usually very tired so I just end up sitting on the couch watching something. Although I dabbled on the supposed to be next chapter of the story but that became trash and new ideas would not seem to sprout out of my head for this story. So I very sorry to say this to you guys but I am discontinuing this story of mine. Although I am very thankful for u guys trying to encourage me to write.


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